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Episode Guide (Series 1)

Series:   1   2   3   4   5   6

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1: Alive And Buried (4 Jan 90)

60-year-old Victor Meldrew has worked as a security guard for 26 years. Then he arrives for work one morning and is told that he's been retired and will be "replaced by a box". Early retirement isn't likely to suit a man with Victor's temperament. He thinks about writing "The Observer's Book Of Crap On Your Front Lawn". Mr Swainey, the organiser of the "Outward Bound Scheme for the Elderly", pays an unwanted visit, then car trouble results in heated exchanges at a local garage. Victor decides to take up conjuring again and is asked to appear in an amateur variety show at the local Community Centre. On his way home from a rehearsal, he has more problems with his car and ends up being arrested for kerb-crawling.

2: The Big Sleep (11 Jan 90)

Victor is disturbed by the neighbours' noisy party and infuriated by the rubbish thrown over his garden fence. He's worried by a mysterious rash, gives a lady window-cleaner a shock and is subsequently visited by two policemen who turn out to be Jehovah's Witnesses. An evening at an exercise class ends in confusion and tragedy. Then Victor becomes convinced that he's dead.

3: The Valley Of Fear (18 Jan 90)

Victor is mugged while taking photographs. Someone scrawls "The man who lives here is a turd" on the side wall of his house. Mrs Birkett gets trapped in the loft and there's a nasty surprise in the freezer. Victor recovers some of his stolen goods - or does he? What's Mrs Warboys doing with a hand grenade - and what IS that smell by the sideboard?

4: I'll Retire To Bedlam (25 Jan 90)

It's a fine Sunday morning and Victor is feeling happy for a change - until he gets trapped in the garden shed by a swarm of bees. The days that follow are no better. During a visit to the opticians, he's left sitting with drops in his eyes after everyone has gone home. Then he faces the nightmare of looking after niece Iris's awful children for a day. To round off the week nicely, he's rushed to hospital and has a close shave with a lunatic - literally!

5: The Eternal Quadrangle (1 Feb 90)

Victor goes to painting classes and Margaret isn't very pleased to hear that he's been painting a nude. She's even less pleased when she finds out that Victor has given the model a lift home and has agreed to do some "little jobs" for her. When Margaret finds an empty condom packet in his coat pocket, Victor's got some explaining to do. Margaret tries to confide in Mr. Wharton, but he gets the wrong idea. Victor wonders why he keeps finding strange men in his bed.

6: The Return Of The Speckled Band (8 Feb 90)

The Meldrews are planning a holiday in Athens, but Victor is afraid of flying. Mrs Warboys has some less than helpful comments to make about their destination. Victor plans to clean the carpet, but Mrs Warboys mistakes the carpet cleaner for Liver Salts and ends up in hospital. Victor pays a visit to a garden centre and brings back more than he bargained for.

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