Holly: I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an I.Q. of 6000 - the same I.Q. as 6000 P.E. teachers.
From: Series 1 : Future Echoes
Lister: Love is what separates us from animals.
Rimmer: No, Lister - what separates us from animals is that we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals.
From: Series 1 : Confidence and Paranoia
Holly: Nothing wrong with dog's milk: full of goodness; full of vitamins; full of marrow-bone jelly! Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
Lister: Why's that?
Holly: No bugger will drink it!
From: Series 2 : Kryten
Rimmer: You? How did you get into art college?
Lister: The normal way you get into art college, the same old usual boring normal way you get in. I failed my exams and applied. They snapped me up!
From: Series 2 : Kryten
Cat: I'm hungry. Hey, there you are! Hey man, I'm so hungry, I just have to eat.
Lister: Shhhhh. Not now, man. Rimmer's dad's died!
Cat: I'd prefer chicken!
From: Series 2 : Better Than Life
Holly: It's better to have loved and to have lost than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton-John.
Cat: Why's that?
Holly: Anything's better than listening to an album by Olivia Newton-John!
From: Series 2 : Stasis Leak
Cat: What? Am I the only sane one here? Why don't we drop the defensive shields?
Kryten: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One: We don't have any defensive shields, and Two: We don't have any defensive shields. Now, I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw, but I thought that it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.
From: Series 5 : Holoship
Kryten: They've taken Mr Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr Rimmer!
Cat: Quick! Let's get out of here before they bring him back!
From: Series 5 : Holoship
Cat: Don't fish swim south for the winter?
Kryten: That's birds, sir.
Cat: Birds swim south for the winter? How do they breathe?
From: Series 5 : Back to Reality