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Episode Guide (Series 3)
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1: The Secret Diary Of David Porter (7 Sep 93)
While she's cleaning up David's room, Bill finds David's "secret" diary. She reads an account of a recent day in their lives ...
Bill has to visit her Aunt Belle, who's shut herself in her flat and refuses to let anyone in. Belle and her sister Bette have been engaged in a feud for many years. Meanwhile, Rona's brother Adam pays her a surprise visit. Rona is out, so Adam knocks on the Porters' front door and is invited in by Ben. Rona and Adam haven't spoken ever since he stole Rona's boyfriend. Apparently he has a "thing" about big men
Bill persuades Belle and Bette to make up. Rona decides to try to patch things up with her brother. As she finishes reading, Bill encounters David's other "secret" - an enormous pet spider.
Sue Holland (Callgirl), Paul Raffield (Adam), Rosie Timpson (Mo)
2: When The Children Are Asleep (14 Sep 93)
Bill and Ben are up late. Looking out of the front window, Bill sees two men loading a television set into a car.The Grimes' next door are away, so Bill thinks their house has been burgled. She persuades Ben to go with her to check. They find nothing but accidentally break into the house themselves.
Back at home, the telephone keeps ringing but nobody speaks when the reveiver is picked up. Later it's revealed that the phone calls were from the Grimes', who've been tied up in their living room and have been trying to get help. The two men Biil saw taking the TV set were from a 24-hour TV repair business.
3: Badger's Bend (21 Sep 93)
Ben keeps falling asleep at work. Bill discovers that he's been getting up every night to play a video game called "Ninja Badger". He promises to stop playing the game, but finds that difficult to do. Rona goes to a reunion at her old school, feels compelled to lie about her circumstances and comes away with a catering job. Bill encounters a strange apparition in a gloomy subway, The figure whispers "Don't go, MIA" and disappears. Meanwhile, Ben accidentally liquidises David's goldfish.
Rosemary Frankau (Sister Modesty), Peter Hepplethwaite (Chas), Sam Lathem (Trainer), Paul Pariss (Jason), Robin Pirongs (Pet Shop Man), Sheri Shepstone (Sister Virtue), Tessa Wyatt (Carol)
4: Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown (28 Sep 93)
Ben forgets his key and tries to break in using a brick. He finds Bill, who's been
waxing her legs, in a difficult predicament and has to resort to using a fish slice in an attempt to help. Then he's horrified to learn that David is getting interested in heavy metal. Rona tells Bill that she's decided to have a baby. Jenny has fallen out with her boyfriend, Jason.
Bill recruits Jenny and Christine to help with her latest catering job, a wedding. Tina turns up at the wedding and tells Bill that she suspects her husband, Brian, of having an affair. Rona spots a likely father for her baby. Jenny and Jason are reconciled. Ben has locked himself out again. Trying to get in through an upstairs window, he becomes trapped on a ledge. Tina discovers that she was right about her husband's affair
Donald T. Allen (Telephone Engineer), Judith Paris (Celeste)
5: Beam Me Up Scotty (5 Oct 93)
Ben has a run-in with his longtime enemy, Jake The Klingon. Afterwards, he learns that Jake has suddenly died and left a will naming Ben as executor. Ben has to arrange a "Star Trek" funeral for Jake. Meanwhile, the Health Inspector calls on Bill and Rona and tells them that Bill's kitchen will have to be drastically remodelled before they can use it for their catering business. They visit the bank, looking for a loan, but are discouraged by Dawn, their "per-son-al bank-er".
Jake's funeral is a humiliating experience for Ben and the rest of Jake's plumbing acquaintances and rivals. Afterwards, at the reading of the will, it's revealed that Jake is still alive. The whole rigmarole was another one of his elaborate practical jokes.
Ben decides to take the family off for a holiday in Florida. The destination code for Miami Airport is MIA.
Ron Aldridge (Undertaker), Annette Badland (Dawn), Richard Davies (Gareth), Sheridan Forbes (Check-In Girl), Roger Lloyd-Pack (Jake), Maggie Ollerenshaw (Majorie Atkins), Timothy Page (Solicitor), Debbie Paul (Housewife), David Webber (Ray)
6: Whoopee We're All Going To Die (12 Oct 93)
The Porter family are on holdiday in Miami. They find themselves threatened by a hurricane called Bill. Back in England, Rona tries to trick Tony into helping her to become pregnant.
The Porters, thinking that Hurricane Bill is about to strike, spend an uncomfortable night crammed together in their hotel bathroom. Next morning, they discover that the hurricane veered away before it reached Miami. They set off to fly home, closely followed by Hurricane Bill on its way across the Atlantic.
Jay Benedict (Bob), Ed Bishop (Chet), Diana Brooks (Maid), Gary Parker (Waiter)
Babes In The Wood (20 Dec 93)
The Porter family, travelling to spend Christmas in a hotel with Belle and Bette, get held up by an Army minefield. Meanwhile, Belle and Bette find some strange green tobacco in their hotel room. They smoke it and get stoned.
The programme ends with a fantasy sequence featuring the song, "Home For The Holidays".